at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
