Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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