we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
