I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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