yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.