I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.