He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.