I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb