At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.