Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible