I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to