he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
