I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
