I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
