I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
