singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad