he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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