Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....