So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think your dad took our porno
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.