i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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