You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
