Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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