I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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