I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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