After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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