Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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