I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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