im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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