So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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