nut hugger
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
