fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
