Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The beer is more important than you right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
