just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
