Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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