She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
