Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So squirting runs in the family.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
