Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
