Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
