i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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