The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
