Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
