Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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