I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
