You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
