Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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