no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
