If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
