every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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