when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
