I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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