I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
