Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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