I want to have your abortion
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
