I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was confusing and full of hummus
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
