I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
