Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
