just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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