so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
