I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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