I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
