No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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