I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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