Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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