YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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