That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
