Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
