VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
be right there i have to get my cape
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
